


shitty pranks and stupid glasses

by crystallinedragons



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Characters Watching Disney Movies, M/M, Prank Wars, Sleepovers, jane and jade want sleep, john and dirk sass eachother, not really john tries but fucks up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-06-10 05:56:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6942538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crystallinedragons/pseuds/crystallinedragons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You invite Jade over, and Jane invites Dirk. Jade arrives at four with a sleeping bag in hand and a backpack in another, packed to the brim with snacks and games. Dirk arrives at six with just a hand bag filled with stuff he needs.</p><p>You really didn't imagine the night would end up like this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	shitty pranks and stupid glasses

You invite Jade over, and Jane invites Dirk. Jade arrives at four with a sleeping bag in hand and a backpack in another, packed to the brim with snacks and games. Dirk arrives at six with just a hand bag filled with stuff he needs.

The night was fun, many games were played, and you remember playing monopoly until you threw your cards down, including Boardwalk and Pacific Avenue, onto the board and walk off in frustration. Jade laughs, and Jane shakes her head. Dirk only flashes a small smile as he had ever so kindly put you into debt. You scowl because you can't tell what he's thinking behind those dumb glasses.

Pizza was ordered by your Dad and you took at least half of the first one. Pepperoni is, and forever will be your favourite and you fought Jade for the last slice, tussling and smacking eachother with pillows that you took from your linen closet. You look up from being pinned under Jade to see Dirk grabbed the last slice while you were strifing. You silently vow to get revenge later.

Jade and you both planned it, a simple slap to the face with shaving cream. So simple it probably wasn't even in Colonel Sassacre's book, but you didn't care. You needed to avenge the lost slice. 

The first try failed. You guessed either you or Jade alerted him, but he quickly excused himself to sit out on the balcony with Jane, so you plan for a later time. He seems to purposely stay on the balcony for a long time, so you wash off your hands and chat with Jade.

It was 8 pm, and you try for the second time. Jade was talking to him about science or something of that sort, but you didn't care because you were stalking your Strider prey. 

You step behind him and raise your hand, but it seemed he knew you were there because he side stepped, and turned. A calloused hand grabs your wrist and you prepare yourself for the worst.

You end up with shaving cream on your face and your shirt, and a bigger thirst for revenge. Jade laughs and Dirk musters up a faint snicker, and even Jane and your father laugh too. 

At that moment you knew he was really going to go down.

Third time is the charm and you manage to jump Dirk from behind and get a good amount of it on his face. He manages to shove you off, turn, and wipe some of the shaving cream off of his face and smear it across your own. It gets onto your glasses and into your dark hair. You curse and growl at Dirk, and he only laughs.

"Revenge is sweet, isn't it?"

You only somewhat agree.

Jade helps you clean it out of your hair and she's laughing the entire time. You wipe some of it off and flick it at her with an indignant look on your face. She only laughs harder, her shoulders shaking as she snorts and snickers. 

"You should've known he was gonna fight back!"

Maybe you did, maybe you didn't. All you knew is that tonight was going to be a war. 

You try the simple prank of a bucket of water above a door. He spots you setting it up and in less than ten minutes you end up with soaked, dripping clothes and Jane apologising with a smile on her face. She set it off, and you don't mind since it's all fun and games.

Right?

Strider was still going to go down.

You once offer to give him a glass of Kool-aid, which you spiked with a bit of hot sauce, as you heard gossip from Roxy that he couldn't handle spice, but he politely declines, and not-so-inconspicuously shows you that he had a water bottle in his hand, that you knew he probably stole from Jane.

You would offer again, but you knew for a fact he'd become suspicious at that, so you dump the glass in the sink and wash it out.

It's nearing 9 pm and you still haven't gotten the upper hand with Dirk, Jade suggests throwing the towel in for the night, but you protest that there's still three hours until midnight. She agrees, but doesn't suggest any ideas for pranks. You don't have any good ideas either.

Jane decides to watch a movie, you suggest some of your favourites, and Jade suggests a Disney movie, so Jane pulls out Lion King and you know someone's going to shed a tear.

Let's just say you didn't suspect yourself to be the one crying at it, but Mufasa's death still really gets you after all these years. You take off your glasses to wipe at your eyes and you see Jade looked over at you, concern on her face. You laugh it off and put your square frames back on. You tell her you weren't crying.

You totally weren't. 

She only nods, and turns back towards the screen to watch Simba run off into the distance, the hyenas cackle loudly as they watched him run. 

Dirk reaches over and steals the bowl of popcorn from Jane, who protests and tries to pull it back. Jade also reaches for it from the other side of Dirk. It spills all over his lap and he goes silent for a few moments. 

He says something along the lines of "This has gone completely pear shaped-" but you can't hear the rest because Jane just groans loudly and brushes the popcorn off of him and the couch and back into the bowl. No one tries to eat the popcorn after that.

Hakuna Matata starts playing and Jade jumps up onto the couch, loudly singing and laughing and you join her, grabbing an empty soda can as your microphone. Jane throws a pillow at you and you stick out your tongue at her. She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms in that way she always does. Jade jumps off of the couch at Simba's solo, practically screech singing the lyrics and you sing too as her back up.

You can say you're definitely not half bad at it.

By the end of the movie the two of you have gotten real tired out from badly performing some of the more dramatic scenes, including "Can you feel the love tonight?" where you serenade Jade as Simba, and the end up slamming a pillow lovingly over her head as the song comes to its climax as Nala and Simba jump around.

She clocks you in the face with her own pillow, knocking your glasses off and you call it a draw. You rub your nose, grumbling under your breath as someone hands you your glasses. You thank them quietly.

It was Dirk and he only nodded in reply. 

The credits finish and everyone yawns, including you. Jane asks if anyone wants to watch another movie and no one really offers another one, so you all turn in for the night. 

Your Dad still keeps his policy of "girls sleep with girls" and "boys sleep with boys" and you roll your eyes, Jade was like a sister, and you knew you wouldn't mack on your sister. Jane also once mentioned to you that Dirk never had a girlfriend, which didn't exactly surprising when all he wears are those stupid glasses and a picture of a hat on a t-shirt. Or it could be something else, but you didn't really know.

You reluctantly agree to let Dirk sleep in your room, and he admits he did not bring along a sleeping bag, so you offer to let him sleep in your bed. You're tired, and don't exactly care, but Dirk seems to stiffen and get embarrassed. You only roll your eyes and grab some pyjamas from your dresser and walk to the bathroom to change. You tell him to change in your room. 

You knock on the door, and Dirk says to come in. You walk back in your room with fuzzy, blue pyjama pants on and a white t-shirt with the Ghostbusters symbol on it and Dirk's wearing a pair of black shorts and obnoxiously bright orange shirt. He seemed preoccupied as he sits on your bed, tapping away at his phone. 

He flinches when he opens an app and soft piano music starts to play. He frantically turns his volume down and glances up towards you, then back down at his phone.

He was playing Neko Atsume (a game that both Roxy and Jade told you about) and you had to admit, it was ridiculous, yet kinda cute.

You pull yourself onto your bed next to him and lean against the wall, some of the posters crinkle against your back, but you don't mind, they're kinda old anyway.

Not much conversation was had between you besides occasional mumbles of what had happened through the day, and you remembered the last pizza slice war- could you even call it a war?

Dirk got the upperhand twice, even when you managed to prank him. You sneak a few glances at him, and he just stares silently at his phone. You catch a glint of his eyes from behind those triangular shades and a question tugs at you.

"Why do you always wear those glasses?"

He pauses for a moment, then looks up towards you from his phone. Once again, you can't see his eyes behind those shades. 

"It's part of my ironic and superior sense of fashion."

"Superior than whose? Kamina's?" You raise a black eyebrow at him, and you can see his shoulders shake with suppressed laughter.

"Yours. You look like Coconut Head from Ned's Declassified." He locks his phone and places it on his lap.

"Oh, fuck you! He was my favorite character." You cross your arms, making a mental note to shove him off your bed later. "At least I don't look like I'm doing a shitty closet cosplay of Kamina."

"You already said that, John." You can hear him snort in amusement and you grit your teeth. "Your comebacks are absolutely fucking spectacular. You're making the crowds roar in excitement."

"You sound like you half-assed one of Dave's long ass metaphors." You snap back, pursing your lips. He crosses his legs and smirks at you.

"Maybe that's what I was going for."

"You totally weren't. I can tell you fucked up."

"I didn't fuck up if I copied it."

"Yes you did!" You raise your voice and you hear a fist pound against your wall.

"Quiet down!" Jane's muffled voice cried.

"We're trying to sleep!" Jade said, "I really don't want to hear you guys hate-fucking!" You stiffen and clench up at the sound of hate-fucking and go quiet, only sending a few icy glares at Dirk.

"Have I won this one, Egbert?" The corners of his lips curve upwards in a shitty, smug smile.

"You are so far from it, Strider." You spit, light tints of red rising to your cheeks and ears. 

"Whatever you say, John." He says, still smiling, and leans back against the wall. He turns his phone on again and you squint at him, pondering a way to get back at him.

"Are you going to give me a serious answer or not?" 

"Nah." He doesn't look up from his phone. 

"Why not?" You ask, a hint of irritation in your voice.

"I would prefer not to."

"Wow thanks, keeping secrets from the guy you're sleeping with."

"That sounds very sexual." You gritted your teeth at his reply. "Was that your intention?"

"Of course not! Christ, you are unbearable sometimes." You snap back at him.

"Or are you just hiding your true feelings for me?" Dirk looks up and grins at you. 

"If you say one more word you're sleeping on the ground."

"Wow, rude." He scoffs, seemingly offended. "Kicking your guest onto the cold, hard, floor."

"It's carpet."

"Still hard."

"Or you can sleep downstairs on the couch." You point towards the door with your left hand.

"Jane will be angry at your piss-poor treatment of your guest."

"My shitty guest, and I think she will understand the fact you would not stop sassing me."

"Are you going to go and tattle on me?" 

"If Jane wasn't trying to sleep, I would. "

"This isn't the third grade, John."

"You're acting like a third grader." 

"Once again, your comebacks are shitty."

Your door rips open and you jerk sideways and almost off of your bed, Dirk visibly flinches, but manages to keep his composure.

"I swear if you guys don't shut up I will scream!" Jade snapped, her hands on her hips, wrinkling her white and green shorts. "Seriously, just get over yourselves and shut up. It's pretty much midnight and I'd like to get some sleep."

"Beauty sleep?" You tease, grinning widely.

"Whatever John, just go to sleep." She grumbles as she turns and closes the door behind her with a quiet click. You blink, and look over towards Dirk who yawned and stretched his arms over his head.

"So, how are we sleeping?" You ask.

"Together." 

You roll your eyes, "I meant positions."

"Next to eachother?" 

"No, like am I sleeping with my head next to your feet or are we just kinda sleeping normally."

"I'd prefer the latter, I don't want to smell your feet." Dirk said, grimacing at the thought.

You roll your eyes, "Whatever dude, do you wany to sleep closer to the wall or no?"

"I'm an early riser, so I'd like not to have to climb over your unconscious body."

"Fine, fine, but if I kick you off the bed, I'm not sorry."

"If you try, John, I'll shove you against the wall." 

"Then you're definitely getting kicked off," you say with a toothy grin. "Come on, let's try to sleep before Jade or Jane murder us." You push yourself off the bed and take off your glasses, leaving them behind on the drawer that sat there. Dirk silently watches you flick the light switch and the room goes dark, leaving the only source of light to be Dirk's phone. Its screen flashes off after you climb onto the bed and shuffle close to the wall.

Moonlight shines through the window, leaving a pale, milky glow on the floor and the surrounding room. Even with out your glasses, you can see the faint, blurry image of Dirk's silhouette against the dark room. 

"Good night." You say with a yawn. You pull the blanket over you and you can feel the bed shift as Dirk gets up to place his own glasses next to yours.

"Night." He says quickly before laying back down next to you. You face towards him, but he looks out towards the rest of the room. You close your eyes, listening to the sound of the fan whirring above and the faint sounds of breathing. The world goes quiet as you drift off to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> ive been writing something small because i was in a writer's block on crowded house, so here's something that'll probably not be more than two chapters, maybe three.


End file.
